I just watched Still Alice. I had always wanted to see this movie after seeing the trailer. Julianne Moore is an amazing and compelling actor, and in the darkness of my plane seat, I cried.
You can say I am a highly sensitive person. Yes I am. Emotional. I call it being emotional intelligent.
Still Alice is about a neurologist professor who has a rare diagnosis of early Alezemiers at a young age. It was sad to see such a strong woman, an educated woman with everything in life, everything we all aim for. Love, marriage, children and career. Then it creeps and the brain starts to trick you. It was sad to see the disease weigh down, and loss of memory creep in.
There was a poignant moment that Alice says, “I wish I had Cancer.”
Why did I cry? Because even the most fortunate and most loved people in the world, tradegy transcends and we are faced with the challenges. I guess that makes the human spirit powerful. LOVE. FAMILY. holds us together. The thought that memory and knowledge can slowly disappear, loss of routine, loss of memories. That is my biggest fear, to my lose my memory. I too would say, I wish I had Cancer. (knock on wood)
I still remember my first crush. My elation of buying my first car or falling in love over and over again. I’ve been lucky. I’ve been in love thousands of millions of time.
I am a nostalgic person or as I say I have a sentimental heart, and this heart relies on these memories. I build memories by the connections with people I have, the laughter I endure, the pain I face and the people I love.
“I am not suffering, I am struggling.” Still Alice
My mum compared my youngest sister Anne and me. She said, “Diana is connected to her feelings, and when she talks people can feel her.” “Anne when you talk you are connected but it is not the same.” People feel when Diana is talking, they connect.” Translated into English by me.
Maybe it is from the memories of being a child, and I am more receptive to feelings. Watching my parents fight, watch my mum’s at despair when my dad left us. Watching my mum cry, I was old enough to feel her heart break. It is a struggle to be human.
I sometimes think, I should lock this heart safe up for a little while and not be me. TOUGHEN UP. I can’t watch violent movies because they scare me. The numerous times I have had partners protect me from watching the screen. The recent guy I’d been seeing has held my hand and told me to watch it and endure it. Someone has to hold me down.
This was meant to be a movie review, but alas it is about me. About how my receptiveness to the world, and how my feelings burns a little bit deeper. They do burn a little bit deeper. I love feeling the despair and the great joy of life. Life comes in waves and lengths doesn’t it?
If we don’t feel, why live?
“Live in the moment.” Still Alice