How do I start this without sounding sad? Oops I did.
So yes I am going through some cloudy days. It might be because I finished my run of NAKED, and then went straight into my sister’s wedding preparation. But currently I am going through some cloudy days, or we like to call it depression.
Depression: While we all feel sad, moody or low from time to time, some people experience these feelings intensely, for long periods of time (weeks, months or even years) and sometimes without any apparent reason. Depression is more than just a low mood – it’s a serious condition that affects your physical and mental health. (Beyond Blue)
I’ve had depression since 2009 when I was first diagnosed by my psychologist. YES people I have a psychologist. There is nothing wrong with it. The only wrong part is that you have to pay MONEY to go and talk to someone. Wait no. You have to go to your GP tell him you have depression, they write a Mental Health Plan so that you can get rebate every 12 months. But my psychologist has been a life saver in saving me from bombarding my friends with unnecessary thoughts and feelings.
You must find it funny that a comedian, a person who makes people laugh could have depression. But that is the beauty of it all. The funniest people in the world go deep into the dark world to find happiness. I thrive on making people happy. I’ve always been a teacher’s pet. Person pleaser. So when I can make people feel and laugh their troubles away, it makes me happy.
So in 2009 when I made the big step of going to see a psychologist I did feel like a failure that I couldn’t fix my own problems, but that is WRONG. People process thoughts and fears differently, and I use different outlets to let go of things. Talking to people, making art, telling jokes, making music and booking a date with my psychologist.
My depression comes and goes. So right now I am feeling the down. And I recognise this when:
1. I sleep very late, and struggle to get up in the morning. (I am not lazy)
2. I do not want to talk and isolate myself. ( This is going to sound really funny, but I do not pick up phone calls when I have depression. For some reason I get anxiety. I might need to put that on my answering machine.)
3. I eat unnecessary food. (or it could be my period and winter just started)
4. Things in my life are not correlating. I am trying to have the most balanced life atm. And it is a struggle.
5. Cry a little bit more. (When I have depression DEPRESSION…I could cry forever. Everything makes me cry. So I know right now, it is not Depression * 2 but just mild.)
So how do I treat myself?
Depression is not curable. I dislike when people say “Just get up and get over it” “Don’t let it control you.” Well great. That sounds amazing. Hey, This is something I don’t want to do in real life.
NO I KNOW I HAVE TO GET UP.
Anyway…back to my point. I know depression will be a part of my life, and it is up to me how to treat it when it happens. It is like Melbourne weather, and you just have to live it, but know the tools when it does rain, shine, snow or radiant heat.
What do I do?
1. Exercise. Oh man and I do a lot of it. Basketball, Dancing, Volleyball and more Dancing.
2. I need to tell my closest friends that I am not my normal self, and it is okay. (reminder)
3. Learn to mediate
4. Write a blog. (winning)
5. Turn off my computer and go to bed. Like right now.
I just felt like writing tonight. And there is so much going on the world maybe that’s why I am depressed. Need to find the joy through the dark, and keep building it everyday. Keep loved ones close by.
May the force be with you. Goodnight. ps Jokes tomorrow.